Posts Tagged ‘tears’

January 9, 2014

It almost feels cliché to write these each and every year for a number of reasons.  One being I wonder if you all really care.  Two being I hate sounding like I am boasting on what I did or “accomplished” in the year.  Three I’m a pretty open book so if I am going through something I usually don’t keep it to myself and I end up writing about it.  That being said I do enjoy writing these as it gives me a real chance to reflect on my year.  So with that here is “The Year that was 2013”.

2013 was quite the year for me in a lot of ways.  I continued on my path of healthy living and pushed myself to work harder so I can achieve my goal.  I didn’t reach it this past year but I am ok with that because I know I will get there.    In May I was a part of the 2013 Graduating class of Estrella Mountain Community College.  It felt great to finally accomplish a goal and hear my name called as I was handed my AA.  I am not done as I plan to pursue my bachelors. 

2013 was also a year of change.  I said goodbye to my sister as she moved to Seattle.  I will be honest when she first told me of her plans I wasn’t happy.  It made me incredibly sad because me and her are so close.  It is still weird that she is not close to home anymore but I know she is doing something that she wants to do and I am incredibly proud of her for that.  I was able to go and visit her in September and spend a weekend.  It was nothing short of amazing.  We didn’t do a whole lot but for me and her just hanging out is all that we needed to do.  I absolutely cannot wait until I get to go back and see her.  In addition to her move my brother moved to Flagstaff to go and play hockey at NAU.  I am so proud of him and love that he is doing something that he loves to do.  One thing that I am very thankful for is facetime, yes its weird being thankful for a video app but with it I am able to see both my sister and brother all of the time.  Us Velasco’s stick together.

2013 was also a year where I made some tough decisions and one of those was a decision that I absolutely regretted.  I am a very emotional person and at times I do act on emotions and allow them to guide me.  Granted this is not always a good thing though.  In this instance I decided to cut ties with a woman who I absolutely adore and have felt blessed to have connected with.   She was my best friend, someone whom I felt beyond comfortable with and someone who I have always felt is the female version of me and I the male version of her.  Our relationship was always different and we spent so much time together that the lines were blurred for me and because of this it almost destroyed us, in all reality for a short period of time it did.  I acted on emotions, I was hurt and there was a slight feeling of jealousy and I allowed this to blind me to the fact that never once had she done anything to intentionally hurt me.  I will say it didn’t take too long for me to realize what a huge mistake I had made by choosing to remove her from my life.  Thankfully we reconnected and rebuilt what I broke and I am so happy to have her in my life.  There are times when I feel like she is the only one who gets me and understands how I am.  Maybe it’s a Virgo thing but I still believe that me and her connected the way that we did for a reason.  She is supposed to be in my life and I am supposed to be in hers.  In the time where we were not on good terms it really felt like a huge part of me was missing and I don’t want to ever feel that way again and never again will I do anything to hurt her.  That I promise you Twin.

What else can I reflect on….love.  Early in 2013 I began seeing someone and completely fell for her.  Prior to meeting her I was absolutely not looking for any type of relationship or putting my heart into someone’s hands again.  But it happened and it happened fast.  It was a whirlwind relationship and we shared some absolutely amazing times together.  Anyone who follows my blog has read what I have wrote about her  so it should come as no surprise that she is getting mentioned here.  Everything with her happened so fast and for a time I was walking around with a smile that doesn’t really get seen by anyone.  I have said it before and I am saying it again that “I’d never diminish your existence by saying that I wish I never met you”, that would be an absolute slight to you because I don’t feel that way at all.  You brought me out of my shell and had me acting a little out of character but I was ok with that.  In the end things fell apart and for a few months for me I did to.   I realize that as amazing as love can be it can also be devastating.  This experience hasn’t made me want to avoid putting my heart into another woman’s hands again nor has it changed my perception on love.  I was then and I am now a romantic at heart. 

The music….

This is part good and part sad.  The good is I was able to attend some absolutely amazing concerts this past year.  The highlights were Prince, Miguel, Anthony Hamilton, and Maxwell.  There were so many other shows that I can’t possibly name them all but those listed were my absolute favorites.  So where does the sad come to play?  Well that revolves around my decision to step away from a talented group of artists I was working with.  There comes a time where we are forced to sit down and reflect on what is important to us and I had to do this and make a difficult decision to step away.  I was (and still kind of am) at a point where my drive and desire to make music is nonexistent.  Plain and simply my heart is not in it and I refuse to do anything I am not fully into.  Am I done forever, some days I say yes, others I am not so sure.  Time will ultimately tell with this.  One thing that hasn’t ever changed for me is my love for writing. 

Looking back on 2013 I feel like I wrote some absolutely amazing pieces (this is the boasting I was referring to in the beginning).  I am incredibly hard on myself with my writing and at times I question how good I really am at it.  I guess that’s just the internal struggle of a #creativ.  My writing is and will always be my voice and most importantly my outlet.  My words are my life and what you read from me is a direct reflection of what I am experiencing.  Don’t get me wrong at times I drive myself absolutely crazy when it comes to my writing but I do know that I am that way for a reason.  I only want to give you the very best from me and that is a big reason there might be gaps between pieces I have wrote and shared.  Speaking of sharing I was fortunate enough to have another piece of writing published this past year.  This time I was published through ASU West and their Canyon Voices literary magazine.  It was an honor and incredibly humbling being chosen and also being asked to read my poem at the release party.  Nights like those are why I do what I do.

My friends I consider my family.  So many great nights were shared with my extended family this past year.  I cannot possibly remember every family dinner, every laugh shared, every concert attended or every conversation had but that doesn’t mean they’re not important to me.  My close friends who I do call and consider my family mean the world to me and those in my inner circle absolutely held me down throughout the up’s and downs.  2013 would not have been what it was without my big brother Mattlocks, Mari, my brother and sister Justus and Ana, Gia, Yaya, Kenny & Mel, Cisco and Mikki, Dan and so many others that I can’t list because it would be a long list but those listed had a huge impact on me.  Please know that not being mentioned doesn’t reflect how much I value having you all in my life. 

What else can I possibly reflect on from 2013?  Well for one I was asked by my friend Gabs to come and speak to her students.  This was quite the honor for me knowing that my story is one people find inspiring.  That day will never be forgotten and I am so thankful I had the chance to share.  2013 also saw me step back into the open mic world and be a featured poet once again.  It took all of about the first 10 seconds of my performance for me to realize that I had absolutely missed this.  I have always felt the most comfortable in this setting and honestly I am surprised it took me as long as it did to get back to this. 

2013 was quite the year as I look back on those things that stood out to me.  There were up’s and downs, tears, smiles, memories both good and bad.  In the end things happened as they were supposed to.  What do I look forward to most for 2014?  Pretty simple, I am looking forward to being a better me.

 

The Year that was 2013

January 9, 2014

It almost feels cliché to write these each and every year for a number of reasons.  One being I wonder if you all really care.  Two being I hate sounding like I am boasting on what I did or “accomplished” in the year.  Three I’m a pretty open book so if I am going through something I usually don’t keep it to myself and I end up writing about it.  That being said I do enjoy writing these as it gives me a real chance to reflect on my year.  So with that here is “The Year that was 2013”.

2013 was quite the year for me in a lot of ways.  I continued on my path of healthy living and pushed myself to work harder so I can achieve my goal.  I didn’t reach it this past year but I am ok with that because I know I will get there.    In May I was a part of the 2013 Graduating class of Estrella Mountain Community College.  It felt great to finally accomplish a goal and hear my name called as I was handed my AA.  I am not done as I plan to pursue my bachelors. 

2013 was also a year of change.  I said goodbye to my sister as she moved to Seattle.  I will be honest when she first told me of her plans I wasn’t happy.  It made me incredibly sad because me and her are so close.  It is still weird that she is not close to home anymore but I know she is doing something that she wants to do and I am incredibly proud of her for that.  I was able to go and visit her in September and spend a weekend.  It was nothing short of amazing.  We didn’t do a whole lot but for me and her just hanging out is all that we needed to do.  I absolutely cannot wait until I get to go back and see her.  In addition to her move my brother moved to Flagstaff to go and play hockey at NAU.  I am so proud of him and love that he is doing something that he loves to do.  One thing that I am very thankful for is facetime, yes its weird being thankful for a video app but with it I am able to see both my sister and brother all of the time.  Us Velasco’s stick together.

2013 was also a year where I made some tough decisions and one of those was a decision that I absolutely regretted.  I am a very emotional person and at times I do act on emotions and allow them to guide me.  Granted this is not always a good thing though.  In this instance I decided to cut ties with a woman who I absolutely adore and have felt blessed to have connected with.   She was my best friend, someone whom I felt beyond comfortable with and someone who I have always felt is the female version of me and I the male version of her.  Our relationship was always different and we spent so much time together that the lines were blurred for me and because of this it almost destroyed us, in all reality for a short period of time it did.  I acted on emotions, I was hurt and there was a slight feeling of jealousy and I allowed this to blind me to the fact that never once had she done anything to intentionally hurt me.  I will say it didn’t take too long for me to realize what a huge mistake I had made by choosing to remove her from my life.  Thankfully we reconnected and rebuilt what I broke and I am so happy to have her in my life.  There are times when I feel like she is the only one who gets me and understands how I am.  Maybe it’s a Virgo thing but I still believe that me and her connected the way that we did for a reason.  She is supposed to be in my life and I am supposed to be in hers.  In the time where we were not on good terms it really felt like a huge part of me was missing and I don’t want to ever feel that way again and never again will I do anything to hurt her.  That I promise you Twin.

What else can I reflect on….love.  Early in 2013 I began seeing someone and completely fell for her.  Prior to meeting her I was absolutely not looking for any type of relationship or putting my heart into someone’s hands again.  But it happened and it happened fast.  It was a whirlwind relationship and we shared some absolutely amazing times together.  Anyone who follows my blog has read what I have wrote about her  so it should come as no surprise that she is getting mentioned here.  Everything with her happened so fast and for a time I was walking around with a smile that doesn’t really get seen by anyone.  I have said it before and I am saying it again that “I’d never diminish your existence by saying that I wish I never met you”, that would be an absolute slight to you because I don’t feel that way at all.  You brought me out of my shell and had me acting a little out of character but I was ok with that.  In the end things fell apart and for a few months for me I did to.   I realize that as amazing as love can be it can also be devastating.  This experience hasn’t made me want to avoid putting my heart into another woman’s hands again nor has it changed my perception on love.  I was then and I am now a romantic at heart. 

The music….

This is part good and part sad.  The good is I was able to attend some absolutely amazing concerts this past year.  The highlights were Prince, Miguel, Anthony Hamilton, and Maxwell.  There were so many other shows that I can’t possibly name them all but those listed were my absolute favorites.  So where does the sad come to play?  Well that revolves around my decision to step away from a talented group of artists I was working with.  There comes a time where we are forced to sit down and reflect on what is important to us and I had to do this and make a difficult decision to step away.  I was (and still kind of am) at a point where my drive and desire to make music is nonexistent.  Plain and simply my heart is not in it and I refuse to do anything I am not fully into.  Am I done forever, some days I say yes, others I am not so sure.  Time will ultimately tell with this.  One thing that hasn’t ever changed for me is my love for writing. 

Looking back on 2013 I feel like I wrote some absolutely amazing pieces (this is the boasting I was referring to in the beginning).  I am incredibly hard on myself with my writing and at times I question how good I really am at it.  I guess that’s just the internal struggle of a #creativ.  My writing is and will always be my voice and most importantly my outlet.  My words are my life and what you read from me is a direct reflection of what I am experiencing.  Don’t get me wrong at times I drive myself absolutely crazy when it comes to my writing but I do know that I am that way for a reason.  I only want to give you the very best from me and that is a big reason there might be gaps between pieces I have wrote and shared.  Speaking of sharing I was fortunate enough to have another piece of writing published this past year.  This time I was published through ASU West and their Canyon Voices literary magazine.  It was an honor and incredibly humbling being chosen and also being asked to read my poem at the release party.  Nights like those are why I do what I do.

My friends I consider my family.  So many great nights were shared with my extended family this past year.  I cannot possibly remember every family dinner, every laugh shared, every concert attended or every conversation had but that doesn’t mean they’re not important to me.  My close friends who I do call and consider my family mean the world to me and those in my inner circle absolutely held me down throughout the up’s and downs.  2013 would not have been what it was without my big brother Mattlocks, Mari, my brother and sister Justus and Ana, Gia, Yaya, Kenny & Mel, Cisco and Mikki, Dan and so many others that I can’t list because it would be a long list but those listed had a huge impact on me.  Please know that not being mentioned doesn’t reflect how much I value having you all in my life. 

What else can I possibly reflect on from 2013?  Well for one I was asked by my friend Gabs to come and speak to her students.  This was quite the honor for me knowing that my story is one people find inspiring.  That day will never be forgotten and I am so thankful I had the chance to share.  2013 also saw me step back into the open mic world and be a featured poet once again.  It took all of about the first 10 seconds of my performance for me to realize that I had absolutely missed this.  I have always felt the most comfortable in this setting and honestly I am surprised it took me as long as it did to get back to this. 

2013 was quite the year as I look back on those things that stood out to me.  There were up’s and downs, tears, smiles, memories both good and bad.  In the end things happened as they were supposed to.  What do I look forward to most for 2014?  Pretty simple, I am looking forward to being a better me.